Frustrated

I'm so frustrated right now with so much in my life. Sometimes I feel like I should give up on my dreams and just do what everyone else wants me to do with my life. That little voice of doubt inside my head starts talking, saying things that I fear to be true and I don't know how to ignore it.
I've been writing very difficult scenes in Created this week as Zombie War #2 is finished. It's bringing me into a very dark place that I don't like to be in, yet she has to live it just as others do. It sucks. It's painful. It's life. Her story is making me need to tell mine more and more each day I write. Problem is, I don't want to relive my life. Sigh.
My old boss who's now just my nurse was reading Changed last night. She couldn't put it down and kept talking to me about it. She says that I write similarly to the person who wrote 50 Shades, that I'm very intriguing and captivating even though that's not the type of story she normally reads. I love watching people read the books. I love when people hate me for becoming so attached to the characters that they cry when bad things happen to them. I love watching the emotions cross their faces. But what I love most about it is talking to them about the book afterwords to see if they got the connections I set in place. When I can get across the pain, struggle, joy and experiences in a way that others can understand and appreciate, that makes my day.
I keep hoping and praying for the best, yet some days the little grey cloud blocks out all my sunshine.

Crazy week

I found a kitten in my garden and have no idea what to do with him. Let me explain what an absolute bleeding heart I am when it comes to cats. I am the crazy cat lady your family warned you about, yet I also have OCD, so I'm a very CLEAN crazy cat lady. I have 8 cats already; one of which has to stay in her own room because she hates cats. Yes, you read that correctly.
Now this kitten is probably about 2-4 months old, black with three equally spaced white spots on his belly and has brown eyes. He's adorable. He's growling at all the other cats, playing with toys and being attacked by a couple of my 17lb adult cats. He's been in our house for 3 days now and I can't bring myself to put him outside. I've even named him. I know, I'm an idiot.
Anyway, one of my friends agreed to give him as a present to her daughter for her birthday in September. Trouble is, by then am I going to be too attached to this little stinker and will they all get along by then? If the answer to that question is yes, how do I part with him?
<shakes head> Frustrating situations I put myself in. I keep telling people I don't need to be involved in their drama as I cause enough on my own, but no one believes me....
My sister's 30th birthday was Thursday. I took her to the hot springs we used to go to and can honestly tell you I have no desire to ever return. The drive to get there plus the fee to get in wasn't worth the pools. They were all cracked, slimy, uneven, and really gross. I had a very difficult time relaxing as I was more concerned about what I was contracting than how the sulfuric water was purifying and soothing me. Furthermore, we swam in the pool that was discolored and had a grainy bottom. The bottom used to be cement. Also, my bathing suit fell apart. That was fun. I had a bikini skirt that turned into a calf-length skirt instead of a mini. I'm sunburnt BELOW my suit line on my chest. I've never had that happen before. I had no idea swimsuits could fall apart like that. It's only 2 years old too. I don't swim that much!
So today, I took her to see Magic Mike. We loved it. The dancing scenes are worth the price of admission and I wish they had clubs like that here. I'd never have any money. lol. The scenes not involving stripping, depicted the lifestyle of a clubber and how Mike grows to realize that lifestyle isn't for him. He wants something more for himself. I thought that was a good movie premise in and of itself. I like watching how people grow. All-in-all, if you're a woman, or a gay man, go see this movie. Straight men I think would be way too embarrassed to watch this. It was fun, entertaining and exciting.
I'm now sitting at my computer with the cat that hates cats (Damona aka: Satan), writing and avoiding the completion of Zombie #2. I'm pages away and have to edit and publish. I'll get it finished mid-July, I'm just procrastinating. I'm good at that.
I hope y'all have a great weekend! As for me, I'm tired and Damona's purring is putting me to sleep. :)

Super busy

When I start getting into the grove of writing and such I forget that I have this lovely blog that I actually do love. So sorry for taking so long to update you on the happenings! Bad Jean! lol
Anyway, my WriCha challenge has been submitted to Zoe. I'm excited for this to be viewed and to get your opinion on it. It's completely different from anything else I've written and was really fun to do.
Zombie War 2: Little Apocalypse on the Prairie is in the final stages of completion. Whew! I'm working on the last chapter and then have edits, a synopsis and publication. The goal is to have it available to you by my birthday, July 16. After that I'm free to concentrate solely on Created. I really want to get this book out this year! I've been a little intimidated by the length and details, but I know it's my best book so far and you're absolutely going to LOVE it!!! Victoria's story is so dark and interesting. I've been rooting for her so much, but things keep happening to her that are way out of my control. I love writing.
Another awesome thing I've been working on is my website. I officially have a website!
JeanBooth.wix.com/Author
Check it out if you have a minute. I'm very excited about it and will spend some time in the next six months trying to figure out how to make it a bit more interactive. I want to put a page up for those of you who are obsessing on who should play certain characters in the movie (should Origins ever be picked up as a movie). I also want to put a comment page up so readers can see what other readers are saying about the books. As of right now though, I like the website and think you will too. I'm crazy excited to have my very own website and feel like a total dork because of that. :)
Anyway, I should get back to the wonderful world of Zombies now. Take care and happy reading!

Birthday

It's my husband's birthday today! Happy Birthday to him! He's working and we're not doing a darn thing for him this year. I feel bad, but after a certain year, it's kinda pointless to celebrate every birthday, unless you have kids. We don't. We have cats. They don't really care if it's our birthday or not, unless they get treats. lol.
He doesn't really care about his birthday, never has in the twelve years we've been together, but I love being able to celebrate birthdays with people. I think they're fun. Anyway, he's older today, and I'm very glad to have been able to spend the past twelve years with him, watching as he's grown into the man I always believed him to be. Love you babe! :)

Ponderings

I've been thinking a whole lot about my past the past few weeks. I started a memoir a few months ago and thought to myself as I wrote it, "I can only do this when I don't have to go to a night job and am able to visit the sun." Writing this story would be fictionalized a bit because I don't remember a whole lot of things. I chose not to remember them. Some things have been sneaking past my barriers lately and I want to share them. I just don't know if I should.
Telling this story is extremely painful and difficult. It'd hurt a whole lot of people and I don't want to do that. I dislike hurting people. The question is, should I write it, should I show others out there that have had similar things happen to them in their past, that you can overcome difficulties and lead a healthyish life? Is it worth it to risk the pain I might inflict on others? I just don't know. I know I want to write it, yet I also know I'll need a whole heck of a lot of love and support while I do. It will take me places I refuse to go, open wounds I'd closed a long time ago. I know I'm not ready for that. I use my pain, my frustrations, my insecurities, my hopes, my dreams and little bits of me in all of my writing. If I write my story, would all that go away in my other writings? Would it get worse, or better? Do I even want to risk that?
Writing Victoria's story has hit closer to home than I thought it would and has forced me to reflect on some very personal battles. She and I have suffered and have loved more than we ever should've. We've maintained our hope for love, for a better life throughout extreme difficulties. Situations that others would've cowered from, we've gained strength. I absolutely love her story. It's hard to write because it's so close to home, but it's absolutely powerful and profound.
I've finally gotten to the scene where she turns into a vampire. This has been a very difficult scene for me to write because it brings Victoria down to her absolute lowest point in her life. It's painful, degrading and difficult for her to bear. I find I don't like causing my characters pain, but this has to happen. I've already created her as a vampire. She has to be Created somehow. We've been avoiding this for months now, writing other scenes, expanding on her history, all to simply avoid becoming a monster. Is being a blood sucking fiend a monster, or is it what's in your heart that makes you that? I really just want to jump to the ending, to see if she ever finds happiness, or if it continues to elude her until her dying breath. Even I don't know that answer yet.
Hopefully in the next few days she and I will gather our courage and go through the event that destroys her. Hopefully she'll come out of it in tact and realize that it's what's in your heart that's important. Your heart dictates your personality, how you'll react to something. If you have a good heart, you'll be a good person. That's what I believe anyway.
Well, I'm off to attempt to write a bit. I hope you all have a wonderful day! :)

Wricha Update

I've finally completed my Wricha short story, The Island. I was surprisingly able to keep it under 3000 words without cutting anything. I was also able to keep it in the general vicinity of my genre without leaving the PG rating. That was harder than I thought it be. When I started, I picked this prompt in order to travel outside my comfort zone. I started writing and found myself stubbornly headed back into it. It's still very unique to my writing, still something I'd never have written about if I thought about it, but you can still hear my voice and the undertones of my style. While there's absolutely no sex or graphic details of gore or romance, that doesn't mean it isn't implied. I like it. I know now that I'll probably never write a YA novel, but this was fun and extremely challenging for me. I've never been given guidelines to write in before. It was fun to try to get you to care about the characters as well as encompass the requirements of the challenge all into an extremely short story.
I can't wait until it goes live in July! :)
Happy Reading!

Would your 5-yr old self be proud of you?

Someone asked me this the other day and I'm surprised at how much this question has stuck with me. I honestly don't know if my 5-year old self would be proud of who I am today or not.
I know the deeper meaning behind this question, the question that this person was really asking. It was do you still hold joy and awe with life like you did when you were an innocent 5-year old?
The trouble is, I've never been innocent. I didn't have what anyone would call a normal or healthy childhood and was forced by circumstances beyond my control to grow up very quickly. I knew things most adults didn't understand by the time I was 8.
I'd like to think that childhood me would be proud of who I was today, after all, I'm still alive. There was a point where I didn't think I'd achieve even that. There are few things I'll let myself remember about being five. One was that I absolutely wanted more than anything to have a cat. I now have 8. Another was that I wanted to be a Veterinarian and keep all the dogs and cats healthy. I'm allergic to animals and can't handle being around that much allergen in a day. I wanted more than anything to have a family, to know what it was like to have both parents together who loved and cherished their daughter more than anything else in the universe. I wanted more than anything at that age, to be a mother when I grew up. I'm married and have 8 cats. I will not have children. This still pains a small portion of my heart, but it's not something I can change. I've learned to love my cats as children and be a good aunt to my nieces.
I work hard at overcoming the pain and insecurities in my soul. My husband tries to be very understanding and he succeeds more often than not. I believe it's my cats who help me to learn and cherish innocence. Their joy and excitement at simply being able to roll around in the dirt in the backyard helps to remind me that life isn't full of stressors and pain. There's joy in the little things life has to offer.
While I wasn't the joyful, innocent, carefree child at age 5, I believe I've learned how to see aspects of life that way.
So, yes. I believe my 5-year old self would be proud of me. Would yours?

Oregano and Hives

I've had the joy (aka: miserable, horrific, AWFUL, painful; the antithesis of joy) of having chronic hives for exactly one year now. They haven't gone away no matter what I do to encourage them to leave. The only time I was rid of them for a few weeks was when I was on a very high dose of prednisone. I also ate constantly because steroids suck.
Imagine if you will, large red welts covering various parts of your body for months at a time. Then add to it the worst itching you can possibly think of. Now live every day like that. Here's the kicker- you aren't supposed to itch. You try not itching unless your asleep; then you wake up with holes scratched in your arms, legs and torso because you didn't realize what you were doing - you were asleep. Feel what it's like for just a moment to have your clothing rubbing against your skin and irritating it further until you have 1/4 inch welts along your sock, pant, undergarment, and sleeve lines. Every day.
Now go out in public. When you look like you've got the plague, people treat you like you've got the plague. No one talks to you, they run when you start down the isle, and checkers actually sanitize their hands as you leave their lane.
Even my friends shy away from me when I come close.
Hives aren't contagious. They're an allergic reaction to some allergy or stress or both. Some people just have them. They suck. You CANNOT contract them by touching them. It's impossible.
I had a brilliant (aka: stupid to the nth degree) idea in September. I love oil of oregano. It helps with any upper respiratory thing I've ever had; so I thought, "if it helps with a cold, why not hives?" I rubbed it all over my arms and legs. What did I have to lose? I already repulsed everyone who saw me - I couldn't really get worse, could I?
Here's the thing you have to know about oil of oregano. It burns like acid. Usually when I take it, I chase it with a nice tall glass of fruit/veggie juice. You can't really do that on your skin. It burns. Badly. Fruit juice just makes your skin sticky. As the tears were streaming down my face and thoughts of death by oregano flitted through my head, I scrubbed my skin clean.
It took a few hours but my skin actually looked better. It wasn't perfect, but at least people would talk to me in public again. I was cured!
Or so I thought.
The hives have spread to an extremely sensitive area that I never actually thought could actually get hives. I oregano-ed them today. Screams could be heard in the next town.

I've inadvertently discovered the best way to torture someone. One drop of Oregano Oil on a mucous membrane will have you telling secrets you never even knew you had. Cut the skin and let the oil under the surface and I can practically guarantee the end of any other torture device known to man. And - it's ALL NATURAL so doesn't actually hurt you - it just feels like you're going to die.

WriCha update

So, I started my WriCha project thinking, " 2,000-5,000 words; piece of cake! I'll have this done this weekend." Oh how wrong I was.
First of all I realized something about myself. I like backstory and describing things.
Secondly, did you know that 5,000 words is only about 16 pages double spaced TNR type?!? Ummm, that's too short for me!
I'm now completely freaking out.
I wrote the initial scene, which is always the hardest for me; and I was very surprised to discover that I loved it. I then decided to go back to do a bit more character development and wrote four beautiful (condensed) pages that lead up to the plane crash that's the first scene. I still have to write over 3 months of future events and I only have 12 pages to do it in - MAX!!!
Sigh. This really is a fun project, but it's frustrating because I've never done a challenge before and I've never had limitations set on my writing. It's exciting and annoying all at the same time. I may keep the back story in there for the time being and then cut it all out at the end. I just hope you care about what happens to the characters without really knowing too much about them. I've already passed my min word count, we'll see how much I have to cut to meet the guidelines.

WriCha - The interview with the founder, Zoe Harrington

What promoted you to come up with the WriCha challenge? 


 I'm still a full-time student, in my last year of school before college-- bearing in mind this is the English school system-- and I have a bunch of exams this month and next. I knew it wouldn't be right if I continued to blog whilst they were going on. Writing and blogging is like a part time job and I can't revise effectively if my mind is somewhere else.
What's this got to do with WriCha, you say?
I wanted something big for the blog to make up for lack of posts. I owe it to the readers I have. WriCha came to me quite quickly. I wanted something original, but I wanted it to work similarly to memes like NaNoWriMo and the A-Z blogging challenge. I suppose you could say the idea was born from loyalty to my readers... :-)


What authors can we expect this year for the challenge and what are they going to be writing about? 


The list of authors is on the post wich you can find on my blog here -> http://bit.ly/JTLQrq 
There's a mixture of writers with very different writing styles and personalities. I speak to all of them, some more often than others, and I know they all have talent. Also, they write different genres and some are working out of their comfort zone for WriCha. Their choice not mine, and I appreciate that.

Hmm, the prompts they are using vary from being stranded on an island or kidnapped to a mysterious briefcase or love down the vegetable isle! I can't really say what they're writing, because I don't know! Each prompt gives them a basic premise. The genre, style and other things are completely up to them.


Are you participating, or just promoting it?


 I think it's only fair if I participate. As much as us writers love to write, asking others to do so and sitting back to watch isn't fair. You won't be seeing my progress with the updates though! I have to start writing from mid June. Which gives me only 15 days to write, revise and edit the short story. It's a tight squeeze but I'm willing to try.


 What are your expectations for the challenge?


Expectations...hmmm. Well I expect some effort and a polished piece because this challenge has a large amount of promotion in it. If I'm promoting an author, it's best they have a quality final product because it's their readers-- and new ones-- that will see it.

I don't really know what my expectations are. My hopes are that they enjoy participating, and that WriCha is a success. I'd love to continue WriCha as a yearly meme; but that depends on it's success this time around. *fingers crossed*


Can we expect to see the short-stories in an Indie collection, and if so, when?


 Oh, Jean, you had to ask didn't you! ;-)
I AM considering putting the stories into a collection. I haven't actually approached the authors about this yet. I've been going over what the cover might look like in my head and how I'd achieve this. Take my answer as a maybe, and bear in mind it's not just up to me. It's up to all participants whether they want their story in the collection. As for when to expect it; I have no idea. Christmas? Next year? Could be anytime if it happens!


Are you working on anything else, or solely concentrating on the WriCha challenge?


  Well, excluding exams, I'm concentrating solely on WriCha. My own writing has to take a back seat, as much as I hate to say that. After WriCha, I have a heap of reviews to post so I don't know when I'll be writing again. It's like a four month writing vacation. Hell, in other words.


Thanks so much for the idea as well as chatting with me Zoe! I know I'm really excited to jump out of my comfort zone and write a short story about being stranded on an island. :) It sounds like you're having a busy time the next couple of months as well. Good luck with your story and your exams! I personally would love to see WriCha as a collection of short-Indie-Authored-stories! 
Good luck to you and all the other writers - I can't wait to see what everyone comes up with! 

WriCha

My friend Zoe Harrington has come up with a writing challenge called WriCha and asked me to participate.
You can find all the specs on her blog here -> http://bit.ly/JTLQrq
I'm currently writing about a plane crash into a deserted island and what happens after. I'm up to 450 words and am trying to figure out how to keep this short. (this is proving to be the Biggest challenge for me!) You know it's not just going to be any kind of island - there's got to be a twist. ;) Keep checking up on her blog and mine for updates!
To all of you who are lamenting the wait for Created and Zombies, have no fear! I'm still working my tail off on those two books. I'm stuck at a difficult scene for Victoria right now and have been having muse issues with Zombies, but I'm still writing on them both every chance I get. I'm going to get them both out before the end of the year. I don't know how, but it's going to happen! :)
Toodles!

Emotionally charged day

Today my youngest sister gets married, my good friend has her going away party, my niece turns one and my brother comes to visit, making sure he doesn't take time off of work to do so. I remember when my little sister, Becca, was 2 and would call the Nutcracker the Quckernucket. Now she's getting married and starting her life with her own family. I remember changing my brother's diapers. Now he's got a career and a life of his own to juggle like the rest of us.
I was in Baltimore last year visiting my BFF for the first time in 7 years and meeting my three new nieces. I miss them all terribly. My friend is moving there and a big part of me wants to go with her, to be cocooned in the love of the family I chose. I miss so many people so much. It breaks my heart a little every day knowing I can't be there to love and support them like I want to.
I feel old. I don't know where the time went. It always seems that you'll have more time to watch as people grow up, more time to catch up later, more time to get used to the idea that they're growing up - just as you did.
Truth is, there isn't more time. You only have what's there in front of you. Once it's gone, it's gone.

Pintrest

I started pinning this week. I'd like to be able to upload more of my photos, but I seem to have difficulties with that. hmm. Anyway, Pintrest seems interesting. It's strange how people discover you on these sites. I don't know about 90% of the people that repin things, but am glad they're enjoying my pins. :)
On another note, I haven't done anything with my books this week. I've been in so much pain from this stupid crown fiasco that I haven't been able to function. It's been an effort to not snap at everyone I encounter. Two more weeks until the permanent crown is set. Hopefully this one will be better and the pain will disappear.
I've been reading this week, as much as I can to distract myself. I'll post reviews on B&N, Amazon, and Goodreads probably Thursday. I want to finish the two books I'm reading now before I post. I also am working on another project for networking that I think you'll find interesting. As soon as I have it together, I'll let you know!
Anyway, I have to go attempt to paint the cover to Created now. I know what I want it to look like, but I'm really not sure if what's in my head will transpire on canvas. I'm excited to try though! :)

Pain

I've realized this weekend that I don't handle tooth pain well at all. Not even a little bit.
Short and condensed pain killer induced Story:
Years ago I had a crown placed on a top molar. The dentist I went to said he should've done a root canal, but thought the crown would be okay. He should've done the root canal. I had a very dull pain for about 7 years from that tooth. I adapted and changed my eating habits. A few years ago my insurance changed and I switched Dentists. I absolutely love my new Dentist. He redid my crown, changed it to a root canal and then sent me to a specialist because I still had pain. The specialist told me I was "Special" I had a hidden nerve that doesn't typically show up on x-rays, but affects a small amount of people. He told me that in order to relieve the pain I was having, he'd have to go in, slice my gum open, sever the nerve ending and sew me back up. Seeing as how I typically want to gut someone when they stick a needle in my mouth, I wasn't having any of that.
My dentist ended up filing my tooth a bit so my bite was different. I was finally out of pain and SO HAPPY!!!
He then dropped a bombshell on me: I needed to replace an old, filled cavity with a crown. With my less than pleasant experience with the last crown, I basically told my Dentist where he could stick his drill. :) I wasn't having pain in that tooth so I didn't see any reason to replace the filling with a crown. He sent the pre authorization to my insurance, and God love my husband, he paid for it in advance. I now had no excuse not to get the stupid crown. I scheduled the appointment.
Thursday I went to the Dentist and he fitted me for my temporary crown and sent my tooth mould out so he could get the permanent crown made. He has a new Assistant. I hate new people. I like consistancy. I like to know what I'm going to get and what to expect, especially with the Dentist. New people make me nervous and I'm already agitated enough just going to the Dentist.
Something happened with the temporary crown and it fell off my tooth on Friday. I've felt like someone's been stabbing frozen ice picks through my entire jaw and right ear for three days. I've been nauseated, exhausted and hungry. It hurt to eat, drink and sleep. Basically my life has completely sucked for the past three days.
Today I went back and got the tooth re-cemented. The Assistant informed me that my gum under that tooth was extremely irritated and inflamed. She had the dentist give me some painkillers so I could finally get more than 3 hours of sleep. The best news is I can finally eat!!!! I'm so happy I could cry!
Bottom line: I don't deal with tooth pain well at all. I've been holed up in my bed, reading and trying not to cry since Friday afternoon. This has completely sucked.
The next time my Dentist mentions a crown I may end up showing him where to put his drill....

Writer's Conference

I went to my first ever Writer's Conference today. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I had fun. It was interesting, informative and forced me to step outside my comfort zone and actually speak to strange people. I swear, the entire time I was there, I thought I was going to vomit; I was so nervous. I was kind of frustrated though, because the speakers that were there mostly talked about non-fiction and memoir writing and publishing. I would rather pull my toenails out with rusty pliers than relive my childhood for a memoir and the thought of writing non fiction causes my brain to become catatonic, so...
What I found interesting was that agents and publishers in today's market want you to have a following, a pre-estabilished fan base to show that you are marketable. I get that from their perspective, but here's the clincher: I met with an agent today and talked about getting represented and traditionally published. She told me that her firm, along with most agencies, will NOT pick up previously published books.
How do you build a fan base and followers if they can't read what you have to write?
I feel like I'm stuck in a cyclic cycle of frustration that will never end. I want to self-publish because I love it and my books get out faster, but I'd love to see the books on shelves and have my books marketed by professionals. I can't get with the professionals unless I've established a large fan base, but there's no point in my mind to go traditional publishing then because obviously I can do just fine without them. Sigh.
All-in-all the conference was informative and fun, but probably not something I'd do again unless I was supporting a friend or if there was someone there that I desperately wanted to talk to, like Kim Harrison or Kelly Armstrong. Now that would be an interesting Writer's Conference. :)

So busy!

Between working full time, writing, editing, publishing and networking with people, I have zero time to myself. My family gets really irritated with me, but I keep trying to remind them of the bigger picture. Someday, I'll only write. That will be a glorious day for me! I dream of the day when all I have on my to do list is writing and some fun stuff. I have no idea what I'll do with myself then. lol. We also had a really bad windstorm here the other day, and I've been sick as a dog since. I'm working thorough it though and starting to feel more human today.
Created is blossoming more than I could've ever imagined it would. Victoria's story holds more depth to it than even I was prepared for. This is going to be a very long book. I'm both excited and intimidated by this prospect. I'm finishing chapter 5 and still haven't gotten close to her transformation, but already so much has happened. It's exciting and challenging and everything I wanted to write in a book. I'm so excited to finish this and share it with you!
Zombie War has been poking about in my psyche for the past week, and I've been letting it percolate. The story is flowing in a different way than The Beginning did, and I've finally accepted the changes. This one is going to be more suspenseful and possibly less gory, but have no fear - the gore will be there! I'm going to work on that series this weekend and hopefully I'll gain a foothold in the plot. There's a whole lot going on in Zombie War and I'm excited to pursue it again.
All-in-all, I've been a very busy person.

Happy Dance

I'm sitting in my chair doing a crazy little happy dance because The Lascivious Transformation just passed the 700 download marker! I'm super excited about this!!!
Whoop dee doo, you say? Well, I say yippie!!! That's 700+ crazy people like me who like untraditional erotic writing in 2 1/2 months, with some of that time consisting of the book being off the shelves due to censorship issues and absolutely zero marketing, except for my blog, twitter and fb account. That to me is awesome! It means people are starting to read me, to get to know the type of writer I am and will start following me! It means that things are finally looking in the positive direction for my writing career.
**Big sigh of relief**
I'm devoting this weekend to reviews and at least half a day each of Zombies and Created. The zombie sequel has been nudging at my psyche this past week, and I think it's time to try to venture back into the blood and guts and gore of the zombie apocalypse. I haven't been liking what's been turning up on the pages, but I've had some fan/friends read what's there already and they love it. It's not as gory and intensely graphic as the first, at least not yet, but it's very suspenseful. I'm three chapters into it, and know without a doubt that this one will be at least twice as long as the first one, if not longer.
I've got Choice and Changed in the hands of some well-known paranormal romance fanatics, and I'm praying they like them and they get good reviews. I'll keep you posted as I go along.
The cats are really getting sick of me coming home and sitting in front of the computer or sleeping, so I think I'm going to have to go spend some mommy-kitty time with them. Hopefully soon, I won't have to leave to go to work, and they can just deal with me at the computer for a few hours a day while I spend more time with them. That's my dream.

Created

I've been working on Victoria's story- Created. So far I absolutely love it. Her story is complex, deeply dark and fun to write. It starts out with her in the here and now and quickly goes to three years before her transformation (1610). It's fun because I'm learning so much about Incan and Spanish history as well as adding my own twist to how the insane Atlantean warrior will affect the culture of her small village life. It's historical romance with a supernatural twist. It's been hard to keep my head in the different culture as well as trying to show Mneseus' insanity from Victoria's perspective. 

The more I write in this series, the harder it is to keep everything in order. I've always hated it as a reader to read the third or fifth novel and notice a huge issue with the time flow. I've worked really hard on my series to keep the timeline and character's abilities in sync. I definitely have more respect and understanding for the authors that I used to get annoyed with. This is difficult! :) 

It's so much fun to get into Victoria's head though. She's such a complicated and deep character, a trait that I don't think anyone's noticed yet. She's always been comfortable hiding in the shadows and staying away from the lime light, so I'm really excited that she wants her story told.

I have the outline for it in my head and I'll be surprised if it's under 300 pages. This will be my longest book to date. I'm nervous about that, but really happy. So far I have the Prolog and the first two and a half chapters written, as well as a partial chapter that's a bit further into the storyline. It's really exciting to watch this story progress. Mneseus seems like a normal, battle-hardened warrior, but in reality he's one of the most unstable characters I've ever seen. He should've been killed decades ago, but Stephan is tired of destroying his old friends and Mneseus is retaliating by collecting Victoria. She reminds him of his dead wife and he wants to recreate in her what he lost during Atlantis' sinking. Victoria is thrust into a culture she doesn't understand and has to learn things from an insane shape-shifter. I can't wait to finish this and share it with you! I'm so excited about this story! I should go and type some more! 

Agented... to be, or not to be?

First of all, Happy St. Patrick's day! I actually like this holiday, as I try to wear the least amount of green to see if anyone pays attention. When I was little, if someone pinched you and you were actually wearing green, you got to punch them. I liked punching people. I still do. Perhaps I have a bit of an anger issue, who knows, who cares, I just like to see how many people pay attention to the little things. :)
Saphyra is doing her best to push the boundaries we've set while I write. She's sitting with her front paw directly on the smallest corner of my keyboard. She knows she's not supposed to sit on my hands or on the keys, so she's pushing boundaries to see if she'll get in trouble or if I'll cave and cuddle with her. Usually we compromise and I have a nice kitty couch set up on the chair next to me. They sleep there while I'm on the computer and occasionally I reach over and pet them. The corner of the couch rests against my leg, so they feel like we're cuddling. It works, unless they're in a boundary pushing mood. I love cats.
I've been tossing around the idea about becoming agented and trying the traditional publishing route. I enjoy doing it all myself. Knowing that I did the formatting, writing, cover-art, and really everything for the books, makes me really happy. It's a sense of accomplishment that I'm not sure I'd feel with an agent and publisher. On the other hand, if I had an actual publisher, I'd see my books in the stores. That'd be amazing.
So, last month something happened at work to make me wonder how long I'm actually going to stay employed. I freaked out and decided that I now have no choice but to try traditional publishing and pray that I get a decent sign on bonus. I wrote my query letter (Which was no small feat, let me tell you- holy cow!) and sent it out to three different agents. I'm also going to a writer's conference in April where I'll get to meet 1:1 with an agent an hope she signs me. I was stressed out, nervous, and scared to death. I'm not sure what scared me more, getting accepted or being denied.
I got my second denial yesterday and cried. The denials are actually very nice, for rejections, but it hurt to know that they didn't like me for whatever reason. It's also hard to face the reality that I'm stuck at my job for an unknown period of time.
I talked to Bry about it yesterday, and he said something to me that I thought was really profound. He said,"Why are you even trying to get an agent? You liked writing before, now you're miserable and stressed out. You're hobby should be fun, not make you feel like this." It struck a few cords in me, one of which we discussed and he apologized for- writing for me is MUCH more than a hobby. He had a point though. I love writing. I love the entire process. It's challenging, and I learn something new every day. I can see how much I've grown. It's awesome. My friend Audrey had this to say, "What?! I don't understand, all they have to do is read what you've written, and they'll love you!" That statement made my day. :)
So for now, I've decided to rethink a few things. I'm going to continue to write and continue publishing on my own. I like it, it makes me happy. If for some reason, I get approached by an agent or an editor, I'll figure things out then. I'm still going to the conference in April, I'm actually very excited to see what they have to say about writing. I'm not going to stress about it anymore, I love writing, and that's all that matters.

Conclusion of Read an eBook Week

Thank-you so much for your support this week during Read an eBook week at Smashwords!!! Through your shares and support I was able to give over 200 books away!! YEA!! That's 200 more people who are getting to know me as a writer. I'm so excited and encouraged for the opportunities of this year! Hopefully it continues to be AMAZING!!! My fans absolutely ROCK and I love every one of you! Happy reading!!

Read an eBook Week

Smashwords has a promotion this week where you can get eBooks at a discounted rate. They do this to promote eBooks and support Indie Authors like me. I'm participating and right now you can download all four of my books for FREE!!!
You read correctly-FREE!!!
Furthermore, we haven't gotten the final word on PayPal's censoring so Lascivious Transformation is still available. Grab it while you still can!

Click on the link http://bit.ly/xccB34 and use the coupon code RE100 at checkout to get your collection for FREE!!!!

Once you purchase from Smashwords, the eBook is available for download on ALL eReader devices that you may own. Awesome, right? 
Thanks for your support! 

ramblings

I've decided to put Zombie Wars on the shelf right now. I just can't get into it at the moment. Sorry to those who were patiently waiting for the sequel. I want to put out a book I actually like, and so far... ugh.
I've been working on Victoria's story, Created. It seems to call to me more than any other book I've been working on, and is flowing very nicely. I'm very excited for her story, more so than I thought I'd be. I wasn't even planning on writing her story, but apparently she wants it told. I love writing.
The dilemma I'm facing right now is how to write her story. I started it in third person, but am not sure if I want it to go that way. The other two and a half books in this series are told in first person, and the two main books are both from Natasha's point of view. I thought that because I was writing from another character's point of view I should write in a different viewpoint, but now I'm thinking I should continue the same viewpoint for the entire series. hmm....
Personally I prefer writing in first person. I get more attuned to the main character's personality and how everything else meshes with their storyline then when I'm writing third person. I like third person because it's easier for me to express the emotions and thoughts of all the characters instead of just how my main character perceives them. It's just harder for me to become emotionally connected to my characters in third person.
A couple of my other works are written in first person, but the speaker changes throughout the book. I have one book that I'm excited to work on, but haven't had the time and energy I need to go to the dark places it's going to take me to to write it. That one has letters meshed in with a storyline. It's proven to be a challenge to intermix the two, but I know that when I have the time to go into the dark, twisted world of a serial killer, I'll be able to mesh it well.
For some reason, this year I've been having a difficult time staying focused. I'm excited about April and the possibilities it holds. I've been extremely stressed out at work lately and too exhausted to focus on anything of substance by the time I get home. I need to get my butt in gear and focus on one project; make a commitment and stay with it through thick or thin.
I'll let you know how that works out. :)

Censored

As of this weekend, PayPal is demanding that erotica eBooks be censored for those who could be offended by certain content. While I understand their side of things, the first amendment grants us freedom of speech, and if you don't want to read or listen to what other's have to say, don't - you have that right.
That being said, The Lascivious Transformation falls into one of their categories demanding censorship. As of Monday, February 26, it will no longer be available.

The kiss

I dreamed of you last night.
We were talking about unimportant things in low voices. I leaned in closer to you, inhaling your unique scent under the light taint of cigarette smoke. We've played this game many times, neither of us crossing the line from temptation into the forbidden. Today, with our voices pitched low so no one could hear us in the crowded room, the sexual tension was thicker than it had ever been. You reach out to hold me close, your large hand casually pulling me tightly into your body. I tremble, blushing with the emotions you bring out in me. Never before had I been able to talk to someone who made me feel this way, let alone flirt with them. You flirt back with me, opening me gently to new experiences. I lean even closer to you, our noses touching side-by-side.
I think we stopped talking, both barely able to breathe past our desire. Your brown eyes stare deeply into mine, and I know we're going to cross that unspoken line. Excitement and terror thrill through my veins with the knowledge that you want this as badly as I do. Gently and ever so hesitantly, you brush your lips against mine. I shudder, my eyes fluttering closed in reflex. I move my lips against yours, finally feeling the softness I'd so often thought about.
We tease each other, barely making contact with one another's lips. Our breath mingles. We're both struggling to maintain some sense of composure, not willing to take this forbidden kiss too far least we explode with the passion burning in our veins.
I grab onto your shoulder and you hold me even tighter against you, knowing without our grasp on one another's bodies we'd collapse in a passionate embrace on the floor surrounded by all those people.
Without thought, I add pressure to the kiss. Our lips finally meet, solid and unyielding against the other's. You groan slightly in the back of your throat. I gently lick my lips in a vain attempt to quench my desire. Our tongues touch, hesitantly, both unsure if we should be doing this. It felt so good, so right, we couldn't stop.
I open to you, start the dance that'd lead us into the passionate fires of hell, and not caring as your tongue tangos with mine. Our breath is labored, we're both panting and helplessly moaning. We slow the kiss down, withdraw our battling tongues and linger with lips pressed against lips. I breathe in your exhalation, and you take mine. We share more than just a simple kiss in that moment. For a brief second, I can feel you in me as I'd never felt another.
My eyes flutter open wide in amazement and I'm awake, the dream still lingering on my dry lips.

strange weekend

For those of you who don't know, my weekend is Thursday and Friday. I work nights in a mental hospital, so my weekends are less than traditional. Thursday, Bry and I ripped up some carpet - backstory: In July, Bry accidentally left the bags of litter on the floor overnight. The cats ripped them open and decided they needed a new litter box. I've desperately tried to eliminate the odor by cleaning and cleaning and cleaning the carpets, to no avail. Last month we went to Lowe's and were pricing new flooring. The guy there suggested that until we were ready to re-floor the area that we wanted to, we should pull the carpet up in that area, re-pad it, and paint the floorboards with Killz. We did that. It didn't work. Anyone that knows me, or has been to my house, will tell you that even though I have 8 cats, you'd never know it from the smell. I absolutely HATE animal smell. My house is pristine and always smells nice. Until now. It's been driving me crazy. So, Thursday, we pulled up that section of carpet, cut it out, bleached the floor, Killzed it again, and left it bare. It doesn't look bad, and the cat's haven't peed there since. Better yet, the smell is gone! I'm a happy girl.
After we finished tearing our living room apart, we went on a much needed motorcycle ride. It was about sixty degrees here (in February!) and a beautiful day to ride. I always get nervous on my first ride after not riding for a while, but Thursday was absolutely beautiful. We didn't go on a long ride, but we meandered through the farmland and trees by our house. It reminded me of why I love living out here so much. I hate the city, but where we live, it's absolutely wonderful. It's quiet, laid back, and you can see the stars at night.
The rest of the day was spent tackling my nemesis- the taxes. By the time I went to bed I was annoyed, stressed out, and had a massive headache. I don't understand taxes. I've always considered myself a fairly intelligent person, but for some reason, I just don't get taxes. They don't make any logical sense to me and I can't grasp their rules and regulations. Add to it that I started writing this year and have business expenses and profits and I'm completely lost. I still try though...
Friday morning I woke up to a nightmare, and the start of an asthma attack. I was dreaming that I was murdered and my spirit was helping my sister find my killer. She didn't know I was dead, she thought it was only our parents that were killed, but in actuality our mother was helping the killer kill our father. She too didn't know I was dead. It was very disturbing to dream about one's death. I woke distressed, sad, and not feeling well physically or spiritually. My dreams are graphic, intense, and very real. There are days when I have to ask people around me if certain situations happened.
Like an idiot, I decided to finish the taxes. Not a smart thing to do when I was already weary of soul. I e-mailed my mom after, asking her to do them for me because I totally screwed them up. I couldn't get out of my funk all day. I was stuck in a downward spiral of depression that I didn't want to go to. I couldn't let go of the strange feelings the dream left me with, or the frustrations of my horrible week at work and the combined stress of the stupid taxes. Friday was not a good day. Thankfully Bry was gone all day with school, and was able to avoid me in my funk. I went to bed early, hoping to wake the next day with a better attitude.
Saturday was "Inspirational Movie Day" in our house. I woke at the butt crack of dawn and watched Julie  & Julia, and Eat, Pray, Love before Bry woke up and hung out with me for the rest of the early afternoon. I took a nap and went to work last night. I feel so much better now. Things that seemed bleak have returned to having the glow of hope.

Writer's Conference

I just signed up for a writer's conference in April where I'll get to meet with my first agent and I'm scared to death. I know it's not the end of the world if I don't get picked up, and even famous authors have been turned down a few times. This is what I want to do with my life, and I know I can succeed, I just need the chance. I'm hopeful for positive changes in my life, starting with this conference. I need some positivity right now. I'll let you know more as soon as I do. I need to figure out how to write a query letter and sell myself. It's something I'm not very good at, but have been learning ever since I started writing. Hopefully it'll work out and I'll have amazing news in a few months. Keep your fingers crossed!

Zombie Updates

I've finally been able to get past my block! YEA!! Thank you for listening to me vent a little bit. I really needed to get that off my chest for a minute. :)
Zombie War: Little Apocalypse on the Prairie is starting to flow nicely. If things keep going the way they are, I should have no problems with getting it out by May 1 - the start of National Zombie Awareness Month! That's my goal, and so far things are flowing nicely. I'll keep you posted as much as I can. In the
meantime, here's a small blurb giving a brief description of the zombies. enjoy. :)

"Once you looked past the clothing that tried to hide the fact that their skin was decaying, that their teeth were rotting out, and their eyes had the glassy look of a week-old corpse, you knew they were anything but normal."

Painful Words

A few weeks ago I was browsing the sites that have my books for sale. I don't typically make it a habit to obsess over how many purchases or reviews I get in a day, I try very hard to only look once a month. If I didn't give myself restrictions, I'd go crazy. After the first few months of having the books for sale, I gave up on looking for reviews. It seemed that people don't like to leave comments about books. It's frustrating. Imagine my surprise and excitement a few weeks ago when I finally noticed a new review on Zombies! I did a little happy dance in my chair before reading it.
I cried when I finished.
It took me almost two days to not be hurt by this guys words. I understand in my head that bad reviews are a part of this field. I expect to get them. I'm even glad to get them. I realize that not only did this person read my book, but he was so moved by it, he felt he had to post something. Of course, I'd much rather it be something positive, but I'm not so naive as to think that will always happen.
I never really thought of the implications of negative reviews and what effect they had on a writer. I always assumed that writers expected criticism, it's a part of the process, it helps them grow, and they looked past it to the bigger picture. I've personally never been mean in a review, and always try to find the positive in a book I may not like, but will also tell people why I didn't like it.
I knew I was going to get bad reviews. I was waiting for them, and waiting, and waiting. It took almost a year for me to get my first bad review. That has to mean something, right? I thought I was prepared for it, I knew it was an eventuality. I didn't expect it to hurt nearly as much as it did.
I've had so many people come up to me and ask when the sequel for this book is going to come out, hoping I'd get on it asap, and then tell me how much they loved it. I've been excited to write the sequel, plotting it out in my head with the direction I want to go, and even planning to end with a third short story. I have the whole trilogy mapped out and waiting to be put onto paper. As soon as I told people I was writing the sequel I was humbled and overcome with the excited joy I saw in their eyes.
Then I read my review. It really took me by surprise with the vehemence this guy had for Zombies. Every time I sit at the computer, or place my pen to paper, all I can think about are his painful words. My characters feel like they're cowering in a corner, bruised and unwilling to share the rest of their story with me in fear of continued retribution. We (the characters and I) weren't going to continue the story. Zombies was originally only meant to be a short story, but with how much people talked about and loved it, we've decided to continue. It still amazes me how one person can wound so deeply with harsh words.
People keep telling me to let it go, to not give him the power to affect me. Honestly, I'm flattered that I affected him so strongly. I've been looking at the positive side of this review, and am truly grateful for his words. It helps me to look at my writing in a completely different perspective, and see it in a different view. I'm glad to have gotten that review. I just don't know how to get my characters and my muse back on speaking terms with me.

today's thoughts

At one point when I was describing Zombie War to a friend, they told me that it sounds just like this show called "The Walking Dead." I was mortified. First because I was ignorant enough to not have any idea that there was a Zombie show, and second that my story mirrored this show. My friend told me about it, said it was awesome and that I should watch it. I don't watch t.v. all that often, I still only have one channel (I know, dark ages!) and I wasn't all that excited to watch a show that I was told I mimicked to a t. So here it is, almost a year later, and I'm trying to write a sequel to a book that I never intended to be a series, and I'm completely stuck. Every word I write, I hate. I can't seem to get past the first page, even though I've written almost an entire chapter. I can't envision the characters, the setting, or what's supposed to happen next. I keep thinking about other books that I want to write right now, and the Zombies keep getting pushed further and further back.
That being said, I've decided to watch "The Walking Dead." It doesn't mimic any of Zombie War, and is surprisingly a very good zombie series. I never thought I'd really enjoy an entire show of zombies, but this is a highly entertaining show. I'm half way through the first series and have only yelled at the stupidity of the characters a couple times. It is kind of predictable, but still a fun series. It is also getting me really into the zombie mood. I'm hoping that tonight I'll have very creepy, scary and grotesque zombie filled dreams.
How often do you wish to have zombie filled dreams? lol.

Blocked

Still can't seem to write anything decent for Zombies. I'm really getting frustrated with this sequel. I've been writing things down, but so far I hate it all. Hopefully something will start clicking and the words will start flowing. It's very frustrating.
I'm really getting fed up with the bs drama at work as well. I know that there's bs in every job, but it always seems that healthcare has it in spades. I try to be nice and friendly with other people, but I've decided that some people are just bitches. There's one girl at work who doesn't like me simply because I'm friends with someone else and goes out of her way to make my life a living hell. I'm just really sick of it. I'd give almost anything to be out of this field and into a male dominated field where they at least don't do sneaky, underhanded manipulations to ruin your life. They are up front and honest about it. Some days I wish my books were real and I was one of my characters.

New things

I wasn't planning on it, but I ended up publishing a very short erotic novella called The Lascivious Transformation. I was hoping to simply have it available for free on every site I publish, but could only make it free on Smashwords. (I've finally gotten over my frustration at this site and things are working wonderfully. YEA!) When they are finished with their formatting conversions, it should be free wherever eBooks are sold, but right now it's only free through them. At the other sites it's $0.99.
The Lascivious Transformation isn't necessarily part of the Origins series, but does fit nicely between Choice and Changed. Although you don't have to read the other two to understand what happens in LT, it's a fun series and I think LT helps to really add to the intensity of a particular scene in Changed.
Changed has gotten some very positive feedback from readers, and I am so excited where this series is headed. I've already started on the next book- Created. It follows Victoria on her life, and has been blowing up for me. So far, the beginning is so sappy and happy, I want to shoot her just for being so perfect. As I know it won't stay that way, I've been holding on. I hope that when I do the edits I'll find a way to make it less nauseatingly sappy and more entertaining. So far I've just been writing what she tells me to. Victoria is a very quiet nag in my head. She wants her story told, but has been content to let me simmer on the broader spectrum of where we're going to go.
I've also been trying to write the sequel to Zombie Wars. I'm not sure why, but I've been having a heck of a lot of difficulty writing this sequel. My heart's not into it, and I can't figure out why. I have a demand for a sequel, but no desire. I'm going to delve into the world of Zombies hard this week and try to pull myself back into Sarah's life. Hopefully it will turn out as good, or better than the first.
Some of you may notice the changes to my blog, I've been working on trying to make things less cluttered and easier to navigate. I hope you enjoy.
I know I don't post on here as often as I want to. Believe me, I'm working on it. Between the 12 books I have started, work, and simply living life, Blogging has proven to be a challenge for me. I've decided that this year, I'm going to make all my marketing a priority. I'm typically a very private person, who is shy and likes to observe people, and have been working on breaking out of my shell and opening up to you, my fans. Thanks so much for your love and support!

so annoyed

It's probably just me, but I'm seriously getting annoyed with Smashwords. It's one of the places I publish my books, and I like the quality of eBooks they put out and their strict guidelines, but I've been trying to fix the autovetter errors on two of my books for a while now and can't figure it out. I've reformatted, eliminated my table of contents, and have been trying to resubmit the changes for three days. All I get is this stupid loading icon. So annoying. Also, I wish they'd update the style guide to include macs. Microsoft Word is so much different with a mac that when I follow the guide I get all screwed up.
I'm tired today and whining. Sorry. I couldn't get to sleep today and then my husband worked late so it freaked me out when he wasn't home 2 hours after he normally gets here. I haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep and now have to go work with psych patients. He also came home and informed me that he may be getting a temporary lay off in the next week or so, unless things pick up drastically at work. I'm stressed out and wishing things would start getting better.
Top it off with my oldest cat scratching one of my friend's faces this morning and making her bleed, and I'm seriously annoyed with life today. Things have been going so well, I guess it's past time to have a bad day. After all, bad days help build character, right?

Weird day

It's my Friday/Saturday today from work, also known as the day I stay up for 26-28 hours. I was cleaning my house when for some unknown reason I started thinking about my first cat, Glitter. I was six when I had her, and seven when I was forced to part with her. While I was vacuuming, I couldn't stop thinking about the story of her and how someone would become a Crazy Cat Lady. I've often wondered about that. How many cat's does it take to become this person, do you have to be crazy to do it, and why does someone get to the point where they are this infamous crazy person? Is there some point in life where you just decide, to hell with it- I'm going to be the crazy cat lady!
I had to write it down, before I forgot the direction of my story.
I wrote, remembering the pure, childish joy that was quickly followed by the most agonizing pain I could imagine at the time. I spent a half an hour typing and weeping. I want to write this book, I think it would be an amazing production, but I honestly don't know if I ever will. As much as I'll try to make it a work of fiction, too much of myself will be put into it and I don't know if I'm ready for that.
I've realized this past year that there are bits and pieces of myself and those around me that go into my books. Most of my characters have base personality traits with people I know, and then their complete personality blossoms from there. This book however, would strip me raw. It would reveal things that are painful and hard to deal with. I'm not sure if certain people would ever forgive me for my opinions of them as I was growing up.
I don't know if I want people knowing that much about me.
So, for the moment, it will sit in my file with the other 12 books I'm working on. I'll hold it in my thoughts and decide at a later date what to do with it. For now, I'm content with my 8 babies sleeping around the house as I work in the quiet serenity that is the Crazy Cat Lady's house.

Nightmares

For the past two days I've been having nightmares, although I should probably call them daymares as I sleep during the day. I think I may make them into books, but I'm not sure yet. I've so far written down the skeleton of each of the dreams, and will check back once I'm finished with the next two books I'm currently writing to see what I might do with them. One is about a witch, another is a young adult murder mystery, and the last is a young adult vampire horror. All three scared the crap out of me as I was sleeping.
I've got to tell ya, when you start dreaming about cooking the hacked pieces of your best friend, you know you need to rethink sleep.

sleep

The past few nights I've been woken to the song Pyromania by Cascada running through my head, along with the quiet voice of Victoria wanting her story heard. I've been trying to put it off, knowing that I want to work on the Zombie sequel, but she's very persistent. The pain, betrayal and hurt she's endured throughout the ages makes it difficult for me to ask her to wait. So, as I sit here, sick with a sinus infection, dizzy, and tired of being woken to what I'm now dubbing "Victoria's theme song", I'm starting her story. It's not what I wanted to do right now, but apparently she's tired of waiting.
I'm still attempting to write the Zombie sequel, but it's been very difficult with Victoria sending me images of fire and torture. She's beyond ready for someone to know her, to understand her, and to finally have someone reach out to her with love. It's been over 400 years since someone listened. Her tale is dark and difficult, but needs to be told.
So here I write, in the wee hours of the morning, the sun still tucked away in sleep, and I'm starting her story. Maybe once we've started, she'll give me a break, and let me work on the story I've been wanting to write.

It's arrived!

Yippie!! It's official- Changed is available as an eBook!! It will be available in print in about two weeks. I'm so excited about this book! I can't believe how much I've grown this year as a writer, and I hope you enjoy it just as much as I do! The first chapter is available to read, just like the other two books. Happy reading!

Changed is finished!

Oh. My. God!!!! It's so freaking good, I can't believe it!!! I laughed, I cried, I hugged the book to my chest when it was finished! It amazes me still that I wrote this. I can't believe it. I'm in awe. I love it, love how this story's going, love where it's headed. I can't wait to start on the next one and I hope you all love Changed as much as I do. It will be available on eReaders on Friday. I'm so EXCITED!!!!!

Thanksgiving

Things have been so busy here lately! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, spending time with those they love. Mine is always bittersweet as I have family all across the country and can only see one faction of them at a time during the holidays. This year Bry and I spent Turkey day with his mom and older brother's family. It was surprisingly more fun than I'd anticipated. I was going on 20+ hours of no sleep, after a horrible night at work, but we had a good time. As usual, I missed those I couldn't spend time with, but appreciated being able to connect with Bry's family.
Today I decided to skip the insanity that is Black Friday and finish Changed. I've been up writing since 6:30, and am very happy to say that it's finished!! Finally!! I love it, and hope that you love it just as much as I do. I have to finish with edits and publish it, but am hoping to have it available by Dec 9th.
I think this one ends better, there's more of a conclusion and doesn't leave you hanging like Choice. I can't wait to start on the third one, but Natasha and I need a break, so the next book on the agenda is Zombie War: Little Apocalypse on the Prairie.
As always, I will do my best to keep you updated. Happy Reading! :)

Vacation

Holy cow. Bry and I just got back from a romantic getaway to Disneyland. It was so much fun and so good for us. We've decided that we need to get away from responsibilities more often and just enjoy each other.
 I love Halloween. I look forward to this holiday like children look forward to Christmas. It's just amazing to me. This year was the first year since being an adult that I haven't decorated for Halloween. It was very strange. Instead, we went to Disneyland in CA for Halloween. Let me tell you, it was a blast! We went to the Halloween party they host. I dressed up like Poison Ivy and Bry was Quail Man. He got so many compliments, including a "woman" who bounced her boobs for 20 feet to get his attention while he was draped all over me. Really? You're trying to get my man's attention while he's hanging on me? Wow. Anyway, the lines were relatively short as most of the people there were trick-or-treating, so we were able to go on all the rides in 4 hours. We had so much fun.
The next day we went to 6 Flags where the fun ended. We will never go back to this park. It was filled with unhelpful staff, rude teenaged patrons, and filthy facilities. We were so disgusted that we actually left a line to leave. The only good part of this was the Viper and the Whoo girl. Every time she sent the coaster away with new people she would say something like "Take a ride on the mighty Viper. Whoo Whoo!" We laughed every time she did this. Once we were done with the Viper, Bry was shaking in his seat and I was saying, "Let's do it again! That was fun!" He was terrified.
At a loss of what to do since we only stayed at 6 Flags for 3 hours, we decided to see what an IMAX movie was all about. We saw Puss in Boots 3D IMAX. Such a fun movie, but I still don't see what the IMAX fuss is. It wasn't any better than the Digital 3D at home, but it sure cost a bunch more. We both loved Puss. We are cat lovers, and this movie had great subtle cat people humor. I can't wait to see it again! So cute! :)
Sunday we were supposed to go to Six Flags again, but couldn't bring ourselves to do that. We decided to go to the Aquarium in Long Beach and end the vacation with a Pirate Dinner Adventure. Both were wonderful. While we were walking along the pier in Long Beach we saw a Pirate themed long boat complete with Captain Jack Sparrow!! I played paparazzi with my phone. It was awesome. The Pirate Dinner Adventure was a blast. I'd recommend it to anyone who likes good food and a very fun show. Reasonably priced and just a lot of fun.
On the whole, Bry and I had fun in California, renewed our passion for each other, and are more relaxed, happy and content then we've been in a long while.
When we returned, the cats greeted us by vomiting everywhere. They were not to happy to have us gone. It stresses them out. One of them even decided to puke on my keyboard. I'm now typing on a very old, very uncomfortable keyboard until I can get to the store and replace the one that was destroyed by kitty puke.
The house has been cleaned and sterilized, the cats are happy again, and we are back to our normal routine. I've been writing today while Bry works, and have been very successful with my day. If things keep going the way their going, I may actually finish this book soon! Yea!
Happy Reading, and I hope everyone had as wonderful a Halloween as I did!

Exhausted

I've been in a serious funk lately. My job is completely, utterly draining on my psyche. It's all I can do to get through the day without screaming at someone. By the time I get home, I'm so exhausted I can barely drag my butt into bed to crash. This time of year always brings out the worst in me, but it usually doesn't start until November 1, so I'm not sure what the problem is right now. What I do know is that there seems to be a rash of Brief Psychotic Bipolar issues in this town right now- basically that means people are freakin nuts! And they all seem to think it's my fault. I'm tired of walking on eggshells and trying to kiss ass to people, but I have to cuz if I don't they'll try to beat me up. We've been so short staffed that this would result in a gang of psychotic people trying to kill me while the nurse fumbles with inaction. The joys of working in Psych.
I still have hives, and no one can figure out why. It's frustrating and extremely itchy.
Top it off with my mother telling me she doesn't like the beginning to Changed, and well- I'm in a funk. I keep trying to remind myself that she didn't like Zombie War either, and that seems to be a hit, so she may not be the right person to critique my work. I don't know. I know that I miss my old coworkers, the ones that would read my rough drafts and threaten my life if they didn't get more. It's good for the soul to know that people like my stories. Watching someone read my work is one of my favorite things. Even if they don't particularly like it, I like watching the emotions cross their face as they read. To know I struck some chord with my writing makes me smile. I miss that.
Sorry for the downer, I just thought ya'll would like to know what's been going on and why you haven't heard from me in a bit. I keep trying to get into a positive place, but it has been evasive lately. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. :) ttyl

Don't Fear The Reaper

This book was great! I have to be honest, I got a little irritated at Keely's inability to cope with being dead. I mean, I get it, it's a traumatic thing. It's just, I would have liked her to have gotten a handle on it a lot earlier. It was as if we were going on a journey with the character, but focusing on the holy crap I just killed myself and there's no going back part and ignoring the vast unknown that's ahead of us. I loved Daniel instantly, and continued to enjoy him throughout the book. I'm still on the fence about Banning.
Michelle did an excellent job of creating a world and characters that I could connect with emotionally. I felt free to like and dislike characters and actions as if I were actually there observing them. The emotional turmoil Keely has from realizing the truly selfish nature of suicide was amazingly written. I couldn't imagine walking into that tub scene if I were her parents! Wow.
All in all, I would recommend this book to my friends. I enjoyed it, and hope there's a sequel that has more to do with Daniel. I'd love to know what happens to him now.

slammed

My life has been crazy this month. First I helped a good friend with her gram who has Alzheimer's, then my folks came to visit for the weekend, and I started allergy shots. I'm FINALLY back on my normal schedule, but behind on the writing. :'( So very sad about that. I'm not going to make my self imposed October publication deadline. I'm not even finished typing up the 20+ pages I have written, let alone started editing anything after Chapter 6. I'm trying though. I want to publish a good version, continue to improve as a writer. You guys deserve a good sequel. I promise, I'm working my tushy off to get a quality book out for you!
Work has been miserably awful, by the time I get home I'm so physically exhausted and mentally drained, I haven't been able to do anything extra. Things are getting better though.
My wedding anniversary is in 5 days. I can't believe we've been married 7 years already. Some days it seems like yesterday, others feel like an eternity.
My favorite holiday is coming up- Halloween! I can't wait! We're going to Disney this year to celebrate. I've been working on my costumes along with the book and cover. All three should be great. :)
I'm very excited about the cover for Changed. I should have it finished this weekend, and will try to get it and the first chapter up for your opinions by Saturday.
Happy reading, I'm going to bed.

Insight

This week has been amazing.
I hand-write my books, didn't know if you knew that or not, but thought I should mention it. It's a way for me to get the ideas out, and I can write at any time, almost any place. I carry a notebook with me everywhere I go so that when inspiration strikes- I'm ready.
I've tired the whole tape recorder thing, but it's really awkward for me. I feel narcissistic when I use it, like I want to listen to the dulcet sounds of my voice over and over and over- but I really don't.
When I sit at the computer, I tend to get easily distracted. My cat's want to cuddle, I need to market, blog, chat on Facebook, search things, whatever. If I don't have the pages sitting next to me, staring at me in accusation, I tend to not find the motivation to type. So I hand write everything.
As I type it into the computer, I do my first round of edits and usually expand or delete scenes.
This week, I've hand-written 20 pages. I'm beyond excited about this because I'm getting closer and closer to connecting to the pinnacle scene that I already have written. Natasha and I have gotten a better insight on her new life as an Atlantean shifter, and are finally starting to feel like she has a tentative place in her new society. It's awesome.
By the time I finish typing it into the book, I will have quite a bit more than the 20 hand written pages and more detail wrapped up into the emotional upheaval that is at the core of her being. She's more complex than I'd originally thought she would be, and while it's a bitch to write, I love it. I love that Natasha is her own person, and that this really does feel like someone just telling me about their story so I can share it with others.
I have to get back to writing now, still have 12 more pages to go. Happy reading! =D

News

Both of my books are available on CreateSpace.com as paperbacks. I just received an email from them stating that Zombie War: The Beginning is now available for greater distribution- to online book retailers!! I'm SO excited!!!! I have absolutely no friggin idea what this means, but in 6 weeks or less, I'm thinking Zombies could be available in paperback on Borders, B&N, and other bookseller websites. I'll definitely keep you posted on the happenings! This is so exciting!!
In other news, Changed is progressing slower than I want, but still progressing. I'm completely in awe of how much I've improved as a writer this past year. Re-reading Choice then following it with Changed makes me want to go back and do another round of edits and clean-up with Choice. I'm not sure if I should though. I kinda like being able to see the growth and progression of my writing, although if doing another round of edits would make Choice more attractive, then....
Changed has been so much fun to write. The challenges to create a culture within cultures, define the origins of myth and mystery, adding historical and relevant facts to make my fiction believable, has been a challenge that I'm absolutely loving. I seriously can't wait to share this book with you! I think it's my best so far. =D
In my personal life, my hives are finally starting to go away. YES!! I still itch, but it's not as distracting and all-consuming as it has been. Three months of hives are three months too long. Work has been adding  unnecessary stress to my life, but it's my Friday, and I can write and play this weekend. I look forward to the days when I get to scribe the life of my characters.
I love writing.

allergies

I have awful allergies that have been kicking my tail for three months now. I've had my first case of hives in 24 years. They were the worst case that the nurses I work with had ever seen. Joy. Finally, after three months of itching, bitching and basically begging for someone to skin me, I have some relief. Steroids can be wonderful things. :)
I've been able to write more, not be so exhausted, have a ton of energy, and function like normal-for me. It's bliss! If I wasn't so busy, I think I may actually be able to reach my target publish date for October, but as it stands, I don't know when I'm going to have time to write in the next month. Grr. Hopefully things will work out. I'll hear back from the songwriter's attorney in a positive manor, find time to write, get edits back, format, and have it out before Halloween. Oh yah- and stay relatively healthy for the remainder of this year! I hope I hope!!!!

hmmm...

I wonder how many authors actually take the time to get permission to quote or use things in their books. While writing Choice I ran across a couple of blips as I wanted to have the reader get a feel for the time period while not infringing on any copy writes. You may have noticed references to Janice Kansas, or Bite- those are my little creative twists on two very important things of their time. They were important to me in developing my character's personalities and little foibles. I've read some books where the references to things are blatantly obvious, and some have their entire books based on an idea of some famous movie/series/thing. To me as a reader, depending on how much the writer bases their books on that particular thing, it can be really cool or really irritating. A series I read about 8 months ago mostly irritated the crap out of me with all of it's references to something else. It was like the author didn't have a unique thought in her head, she just based her entire series on a combination of something else, and then told the reader about it. It got me wondering if she thought to get permission to use all those references/quotes, or if she just wrote it and said "To hell with it- writers prerogative."
It also got me into thinking about my own writing. What have I based my writing on? Do I sound similar to others, or are my thoughts truly unique? I know my stories are my own, that I didn't use anyone else's storyline to create mine. However, I have noticed a similarity to mine and another Atlantean writer. I love this author, and I hope that while our subject is very similar, people notice the obvious differences. It has also made me rethink wording and structure of certain scenes in this series. I hope to be unique, interesting, exciting and moving with my writing.
This whole thought process started because I desperately want to use a portion of a song in Changed. I could do this scene without it, but it dramatically pulls the emotion I want out of the reader. Every time I read it I'm overwhelmed. So, I emailed the artist and sent in a request to quote her. I was actually kind of excited to do this, it made me feel like a real professional. And now I feel like a dork. :) I'm currently waiting on her response, but it got me to thinking, how many authors actually take the time to get permission to quote something or state the title of something in their books? Is it even necessary with the vast amounts of media out there? How would the artist ever know their information was used, unless by some random act they read the book?
I think I think too much. ;)

ramblings of a frustrated author

Oh dear muse! Why do you torture me so? I have perfected a scene that brings tears to my eyes, yet cannot get from where we are to there. It is SO frustrating!!! I know what happens, I know how I want to get there, but we keep getting sidetracked in things that aren't ready to be explored and developed yet. Natasha doesn't want to feel what she has to in order to appreciate where she's going. She want's to be numb to it all. I understand, I really do, but sometimes we have to take the good with the bad in life and in stories in order for growth to be complete. I'm amazed daily at how much I love this book and how much I've learned since writing Choice.
I've been so crazy busy with work and home life I've barely been able to find time to write. It's been beyond irritating, but I'm working on it. I want to get this book out in October. I don't have to, but I really want to. Badly. It needs to be finished, I need to be off this roller coaster of emotions.
I think after this I may do another short for the Zombies and then focus on something dark and twisty. I'm starting to feel dark and twisty and need to put it on paper.

movies

Ok, so I re-watched Prince of Persia today and was happily reminded of soul mates and my book that I have been seriously neglecting as of late. The struggles, the uncertain love, the suppressed passion, it is all so beautiful. It made me wonder if they would still have the same passion, the same love if they weren't faced with such difficulties. I started thinking more about Changed and if we were headed down the right path, if I was speeding things along too fast because I want it to be finished, and if I could end it differently and still accomplish everything I want to.
I don't know about other authors, but I know I project a ton in my writing. Either it's venting frustrations out through my character's lives (which by the way, isn't always a BAD thing) or projecting my feelings of the moment onto paper. Sometimes it works for the scenes, sometimes I find myself rewriting chapters. I know that I love love and I want Natasha to have that love that surpasses the test of time. I want her to be strong, capable and compassionate. I want so much for her that I can't talk about right now because it will ruin the book for you. grr. :) I want to talk about it with someone, and I can't. It's sometimes very frustrating to be an author. I'm very excited about Changed. I think I've grown in my writing and in my storytelling, and I'm very excited to see how her life is when this book is finished. I hope you all love it just as much as I have been. :)

writing

Changed is coming along so nicely I can hardly believe it. It is everything I originally wanted for Choice, finally coming to fruition. Excitement, affection, knowledge... I think we had to get the background established in Choice before Changed could even begin to be developed. I want to tell you all about what's happening, how Natasha is growing, where she's headed in this book, but it would ruin it for you. I will just say that she is amazing me more and more every day. I'm so loving this book! I know I should because it's my writing, but it wouldn't be anything without Natasha whispering her story in my head. I love where we're headed here. I can't wait to finish it and share it with you!!!

Post Birthday

Well, Saturday was my birthday- a big one- 30! I had an amazing time with friends and family, drinking, laughing, goofing off at the casa. The conclusion: I'm never drinking again. Hangover's suck, and the older I get the more often I get them after drinking. I have still yet to puke though. That's gotta be something! lol.
Changed is making huge progress, I'm so excited where this book is headed. There is so much involved in it, I hope people don't get lost. I've also decided to write out a glossary and perhaps a cast of characters. I started in on that the other day, and wow! I was amazed at how many characters played a small roll in Choice. Not to mention the ones that show up in Changed. I'm really enjoying this series. Watching my characters grow and develop into their own people- it's amazing. I can't wait to finish Changed and get feed back.
I will do my best to write a sequel to Zombie Wars. I've been getting gobs of people craving more of that book, even though it was just meant to be a fun little quick read. I've got the title, so the rest should be easy- right. Off to write now. Happy reading to all!

Wow, I'm slacking hard-core

I know I have a hard time writing on here, but geez. Someone should kick my butt for me. :) Sorry folks!
Zombies has been more of a hit than I imagined it would be- I'm in seventh heaven with all the wonderful feedback I've been getting from people! Thanks guys! To answer the question everyone seems to be asking: I wasn't planning on writing a sequel to this book, but I will do my best to write one after I finish with Changed. (still hoping and praying for an October release date)
My personal life this month has been in the crapper. I've been struggling to remain afloat in the insanity that is my life, and have not been writing nearly as much as I've wanted to. I apologize now. That being said, I'm up to Chapter 5 in Changed, and have a very nice handle on the rest of the book. I've got my outline, something I only seem to do when I get frustrated about where things are at, and need to organize every aspect of life. I found a new editor, one that I think is going to work better than the last one I had for Choice. (I didn't have an editor for Zombies) I just enrolled in a class that I don't want to take, but have to, so...yea? So now I'm working full time, going to school, being a wife, and writing. The pressure of life is on, and I'm thriving. There must be something seriously wrong with me to be able to thrive in mass chaos. lol.
Anyway, I just wanted to post an update and let you know that I am still writing, not stuck in a bunker warding off the undead. ;)

random stuff

Yea! I figured out how to upload Zombie War to Goodreads! Awesome. I also helped someone today with their publishing frustrations. Yea! Feeling good on the work site today.
I am completely frustrated with Changed and have not wanted to sit and write for days now. I keep waiting for that to change, but can't figure out why I feel stuck in the first place. Grr.
Today I feel like utter crap- thank you allergies- so I haven't wanted to do anything anyway. I watched season 3 of True Blood because I like it and also because people keep telling me that Alcide the werwolf  would make an excellent Raif if I ever made a movie out of Choice. I still don't see it. Don't get me wrong, Joe Manganiello is totally hot, and should never have been allowed to wear a shirt in this show, but I just don't picture him as Raif. I picture someone like the Rock or Vin Diesel as Raif. I may have to create a character specifically for Joe Manganiello though, simply because he really is yummy. This is all assuming that I will one day make a movie out of my books. That would be awesome. I think I'd have to pinch myself.
I have to go try to sleep off some of my allergy drugs. I'm way too loopy. This is why I hate allergies and asthma. I cannot breathe, so I take meds, then I lose my dang mind. If I don't take the meds, I cannot breathe. Where is the happy medium here?!? I just want to BREATHE!!! argh!!!!
I hope your day is better than mine. Although, I did get to watch a whole lot of sexiness, so it wasn't all bad. ;)

Memorial Day

Today is a day of remembrance. A day where we thank the men and women in the military for their sacrifice to our country. So many people forget that sacrifice doesn't just include lives. The service men and women fight for the ideals of the American way of life. They allow us to be able to bitch about anything and everything we want. They allow us the freedoms we take for granted every day. They don't do this because they want prestige or fame, they do this because they believe in the idea, the foundation of America.
I for one, am grateful everyday for the sacrifices they make. They sacrifice their young adulthood to train and fight for my rights. They sacrifice life and limbs in protection of the freedoms I treasure. They sacrifice their psyche in order to protect mine. They truly are heros.
Today, as in all others, I thank-you for fighting for me when I am unable to.

Busy

Holy cow life's been kicking my butt lately! I'm so ready to just hang back and relax for a bit. I went on vacation last week, which was amazing. I had tried to post something before I left, but blogger didn't like me for a couple of days.
I had an absolutely wonderful time in Baltimore MD. The people were mostly nice, my friends were awesome as usual, and the weather was beautiful. I had forgotten how green everything could get, and how wonderful rain was.
The most exciting part of my trip was the trapeze class I went to at the Trapeze School of New York in Washington D.C. I am terrified of heights and the instructors there were so wonderful. They were patient with me, joked and talked with me about stupid things to take my mind off the fact that I was jumping off a perfectly good platform. I can't really say that I flew through the air with the greatest of ease, but I jumped. Then signed up for another day because it was so unbelievably amazing!
On my second day, I was still nervous but considerably less than the first day. By my last three swings I was doing backflips off the bar!!! The workout, the thrill, the fun- absolutely wonderful!! I hope there is a school here that I can go to because I am now addicted for life. :)
I did quite a bit of the touristy things that people go to D.C. for, saw Annapolis and all the wonderful sailors there, and took in some sights in Baltimore proper. All in all I loved it. I can't wait to go back.
I told my friend that I had a book in the wings that was a sci-fi military thriller, and that I would be picking her brain in a year to get some info to make the book more realistic. She seemed very excited about the premise of the book, gave me some reference material, and told me that what I had so far wasn't too far off the mark. My creative brain wants to jump right into this book now, but I seriously have to get Changed finished first!!!
Changed has been progressing very nicely. I finally have an intro that I'm happy with, a good start to the second chapter, and scenes further into the book that I am amazed with. I'm looking toward an October release date, and so far, it looks like it might actually happen. Awesome. :) Zombie War is doing great at the moment. I'm still working out a few kinks with some of my websites, but it's for sale and doing well.
Many thanks to my wonderful fans- you guys rock! I hope the books are entertaining, fun, and memorable to you. Must get back to the writing. Happy Reading!!

returned

I totally tried to post a see-ya-soon blog here a week ago and apparently was having Blogger issues with my computer. grrr. I went on my first vacation in forever to Baltimore. What a beautiful place. I met with some very interesting people and had a wonderful time. I'm hoping to have more later when I haven't been up for ??? hours and have jet lag. I'm exhausted right now, the kitties are all cuddling with me, and hubby's picking up dinner. Goal this week: give a synopsis of my vacation and type what I wrote on the plane. Changed is coming along well. I'm excited so far.
In the meantime, I apologize for my absence. I need to sleep. Goodnight and happy reading to all!

Zombiezzzzzzz

Whoo hoo!! I'm doing my happy dance!!! Zombie War: The Beginning is officially available today!!! I'm so totally and completely excited right now!!! YEA!! I love seeing my books out there. It's like my baby's all grown up and ready to play!
I'm REALLY tired right now; totally living on the euphoria of publishing my second book this year. Can we do a third?!!?! Dare I dream!?!?!
I think I'll go dream the possibilities now. Happy Reading to all and good night! =D