Friday, March 20, 2020

Who you're protecting

I debated a lot about sharing this with anyone outside my family but I think it's important to know who you're protecting with this quarantine. Maybe having a face you know, would help.

Me. I wore this shirt ironically today as I went to the urgent care to try to get tested for COVID-19. I don't feel like a survivor, I feel like I'm becoming the zombie. I have every symptom and I'm immunocompromised because I'm asthmatic and have been struggling with bronchitis for 6 weeks. I'm negative for flu, negative for bronchitis, negative for pneumonia, negative for sinus infection. But I'm dangerously sick. Every breath I take is a chore - a fight, and it's exhausting. I can't do even the simplest things because I can't breathe.

There are no tests available in my area. 

And there's no treatment. 

My reality right now is that I'll either recover or die. Those are my options. And while I choose not to dwell on that, but on the outpouring of love from my family, it's constantly in the back of my mind with every breath I force in and out of my lungs.

I didn't leave the country. I didn't leave my state. I caught this from someone while living my every day life. Someone who didn't have symptoms, or were just starting to show. We don't know enough about this illness yet. It's scary.

I know things are rough right now. There's financial fear. Fear of catching or sharing this thing. I get it. But I urge you to realize the quarantine isn't about you. It's about me, and people like me. I have books I want to finish, fans I'd love to meet, places I'd love to see. My cats seem to understand that I'm sick, but that's about it. They've gone out of their way to make sure I know I'm not alone and that they're here with me. My husband and family are terrified and trying (very poorly) to not let me know how scared they are. And I don't have any other words of encouragement other than, I'm doing everything in my power to fight this, not infect anyone else, and be okay.

So, please, when you're complaining that this is stupid, that you have nothing to do, your kids are driving you crazy with their boredom, or when you think this is just the government's paranoia or way to "get you," realize that I'm out here fighting. And I won't stop fighting.

Here's some cute kitty pics from the last few days. <3 I love you all! <3