Sunday, February 26, 2012


As of this weekend, PayPal is demanding that erotica eBooks be censored for those who could be offended by certain content. While I understand their side of things, the first amendment grants us freedom of speech, and if you don't want to read or listen to what other's have to say, don't - you have that right.
That being said, The Lascivious Transformation falls into one of their categories demanding censorship. As of Monday, February 26, it will no longer be available.

The kiss

I dreamed of you last night.
We were talking about unimportant things in low voices. I leaned in closer to you, inhaling your unique scent under the light taint of cigarette smoke. We've played this game many times, neither of us crossing the line from temptation into the forbidden. Today, with our voices pitched low so no one could hear us in the crowded room, the sexual tension was thicker than it had ever been. You reach out to hold me close, your large hand casually pulling me tightly into your body. I tremble, blushing with the emotions you bring out in me. Never before had I been able to talk to someone who made me feel this way, let alone flirt with them. You flirt back with me, opening me gently to new experiences. I lean even closer to you, our noses touching side-by-side.
I think we stopped talking, both barely able to breathe past our desire. Your brown eyes stare deeply into mine, and I know we're going to cross that unspoken line. Excitement and terror thrill through my veins with the knowledge that you want this as badly as I do. Gently and ever so hesitantly, you brush your lips against mine. I shudder, my eyes fluttering closed in reflex. I move my lips against yours, finally feeling the softness I'd so often thought about.
We tease each other, barely making contact with one another's lips. Our breath mingles. We're both struggling to maintain some sense of composure, not willing to take this forbidden kiss too far least we explode with the passion burning in our veins.
I grab onto your shoulder and you hold me even tighter against you, knowing without our grasp on one another's bodies we'd collapse in a passionate embrace on the floor surrounded by all those people.
Without thought, I add pressure to the kiss. Our lips finally meet, solid and unyielding against the other's. You groan slightly in the back of your throat. I gently lick my lips in a vain attempt to quench my desire. Our tongues touch, hesitantly, both unsure if we should be doing this. It felt so good, so right, we couldn't stop.
I open to you, start the dance that'd lead us into the passionate fires of hell, and not caring as your tongue tangos with mine. Our breath is labored, we're both panting and helplessly moaning. We slow the kiss down, withdraw our battling tongues and linger with lips pressed against lips. I breathe in your exhalation, and you take mine. We share more than just a simple kiss in that moment. For a brief second, I can feel you in me as I'd never felt another.
My eyes flutter open wide in amazement and I'm awake, the dream still lingering on my dry lips.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

strange weekend

For those of you who don't know, my weekend is Thursday and Friday. I work nights in a mental hospital, so my weekends are less than traditional. Thursday, Bry and I ripped up some carpet - backstory: In July, Bry accidentally left the bags of litter on the floor overnight. The cats ripped them open and decided they needed a new litter box. I've desperately tried to eliminate the odor by cleaning and cleaning and cleaning the carpets, to no avail. Last month we went to Lowe's and were pricing new flooring. The guy there suggested that until we were ready to re-floor the area that we wanted to, we should pull the carpet up in that area, re-pad it, and paint the floorboards with Killz. We did that. It didn't work. Anyone that knows me, or has been to my house, will tell you that even though I have 8 cats, you'd never know it from the smell. I absolutely HATE animal smell. My house is pristine and always smells nice. Until now. It's been driving me crazy. So, Thursday, we pulled up that section of carpet, cut it out, bleached the floor, Killzed it again, and left it bare. It doesn't look bad, and the cat's haven't peed there since. Better yet, the smell is gone! I'm a happy girl.
After we finished tearing our living room apart, we went on a much needed motorcycle ride. It was about sixty degrees here (in February!) and a beautiful day to ride. I always get nervous on my first ride after not riding for a while, but Thursday was absolutely beautiful. We didn't go on a long ride, but we meandered through the farmland and trees by our house. It reminded me of why I love living out here so much. I hate the city, but where we live, it's absolutely wonderful. It's quiet, laid back, and you can see the stars at night.
The rest of the day was spent tackling my nemesis- the taxes. By the time I went to bed I was annoyed, stressed out, and had a massive headache. I don't understand taxes. I've always considered myself a fairly intelligent person, but for some reason, I just don't get taxes. They don't make any logical sense to me and I can't grasp their rules and regulations. Add to it that I started writing this year and have business expenses and profits and I'm completely lost. I still try though...
Friday morning I woke up to a nightmare, and the start of an asthma attack. I was dreaming that I was murdered and my spirit was helping my sister find my killer. She didn't know I was dead, she thought it was only our parents that were killed, but in actuality our mother was helping the killer kill our father. She too didn't know I was dead. It was very disturbing to dream about one's death. I woke distressed, sad, and not feeling well physically or spiritually. My dreams are graphic, intense, and very real. There are days when I have to ask people around me if certain situations happened.
Like an idiot, I decided to finish the taxes. Not a smart thing to do when I was already weary of soul. I e-mailed my mom after, asking her to do them for me because I totally screwed them up. I couldn't get out of my funk all day. I was stuck in a downward spiral of depression that I didn't want to go to. I couldn't let go of the strange feelings the dream left me with, or the frustrations of my horrible week at work and the combined stress of the stupid taxes. Friday was not a good day. Thankfully Bry was gone all day with school, and was able to avoid me in my funk. I went to bed early, hoping to wake the next day with a better attitude.
Saturday was "Inspirational Movie Day" in our house. I woke at the butt crack of dawn and watched Julie  & Julia, and Eat, Pray, Love before Bry woke up and hung out with me for the rest of the early afternoon. I took a nap and went to work last night. I feel so much better now. Things that seemed bleak have returned to having the glow of hope.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Writer's Conference

I just signed up for a writer's conference in April where I'll get to meet with my first agent and I'm scared to death. I know it's not the end of the world if I don't get picked up, and even famous authors have been turned down a few times. This is what I want to do with my life, and I know I can succeed, I just need the chance. I'm hopeful for positive changes in my life, starting with this conference. I need some positivity right now. I'll let you know more as soon as I do. I need to figure out how to write a query letter and sell myself. It's something I'm not very good at, but have been learning ever since I started writing. Hopefully it'll work out and I'll have amazing news in a few months. Keep your fingers crossed!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Zombie Updates

I've finally been able to get past my block! YEA!! Thank you for listening to me vent a little bit. I really needed to get that off my chest for a minute. :)
Zombie War: Little Apocalypse on the Prairie is starting to flow nicely. If things keep going the way they are, I should have no problems with getting it out by May 1 - the start of National Zombie Awareness Month! That's my goal, and so far things are flowing nicely. I'll keep you posted as much as I can. In the
meantime, here's a small blurb giving a brief description of the zombies. enjoy. :)

"Once you looked past the clothing that tried to hide the fact that their skin was decaying, that their teeth were rotting out, and their eyes had the glassy look of a week-old corpse, you knew they were anything but normal."