Friday, April 17, 2015

No regrets...


I've seen this statement running around Facebook over the past couple of years, and I wonder how many people actually think about this.
I don't have any regrets in life. Yes, there are things in my past that I cringe at when I remember them, or talk about. But when the twinge of regret rears it's ugly head, I ask myself, "would I be who I am today without my mistakes?" To that answer, I have no idea. Nor am I willing to take the risk. I like who I am. I like who I've become. And without the mistakes, I'm not certain I'd be who/where I am now in life.
For example: I was a nerd in high school. In my senior year, I was trying desperately to enhance my social life and become popular, while still focusing on what I wanted out of life - to be a doctor. I had received an academic scholarship for 8 years to any school in my state. I had my future meticulously planned out. I was going to get my pre-med, meet my husband, and while I was in med school we'd have the first of our 4 children. He would stay at home and raise the kids, while I was a pediatric surgeon and life would be bliss. Of course, life rarely goes as planned.
I met a guy when I was 17. He was supposed to be meeting his "girlfriend" for the first time. They had talked over the phone for a few weeks, yet had not physically met up to that point. She happened to be one of my good friends. He and I had an instant connection, and while I tried to ignore it, I couldn't help glancing at him and wishing things were different. Long story incredibly short, we wound up together. He was a manipulator, cheater, and over-all bad guy, and I was newly 18 and in "love." I got into a huge fight with my father over this guy, moved out to be with him, and was left homeless, penniless, and with an STD - HPV. I was able to contact my mother and moved across the country to pull my life back together, losing my scholarship in the process.
It was here where I discovered that I had the cancerous strain of HPV. After having surgery, I was told I would never have children. This was a huge blow to everything I'd defined myself as, and I was determined to prove them wrong. A year later, I met my husband. Together, we have a good life, 9 cats, and are very content.
Without the chance meeting of the first terrible boyfriend, I doubt I'd have ever met my husband, or have rescued the cat children we have today. I definitely wouldn't have discovered the joy of writing, or ever have felt the passion of creating stories.
While I sometimes feel regret for meeting him, and every poor decision I made from that meeting, all I have to do is look at my kitties, or laugh at some silly thing my husband did, and the regret slips away. And even though it isn't what I planned, I wouldn't change it for the world.