Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Ramblings

I've had a lot on my mind lately and been avoiding other things. <- I know, super vague.
I literally had an epiphany like 3 minutes ago and thought I'd share. First, I tend to like to ramble more on Facebook than anywhere else, and not on my page, but on my personal profile. I think some of these ramblings need to be switched to a different media - either here or on my actual page, since most of them have to do with writing and my process/frustrations. So I'm going to try that and see what happens. Apparently, that's my motto for this year. Last year was the "year of Change." This year it's, "let's try that and see what happens." I have zero control and minimal direction. And I'm freaking out - but oddly okay with that.
Second, I'm writing a new short story for another anthology. I love anthologies btw. As a reader more than a writer, since most of the anthologies I've been in have been extremely frustrating from my side of things. But I absolutely love reading and being introduced to new authors by way of anthologies. After the last one I participated in, I didn't think I'd have the courage to try again, but here I am, avoiding writing this little story.
And you know why? Because - and this is where the epiphany comes in - I love this story. I've been wanting to write it almost since I started writing in 2010. I have pictures, synopsis, notes, even the first few chapters plotted. I thought, "ohh! This new anthology is the PERFECT opportunity to jump into this book - write the intro here and when I'm ready, I'll write the whole thing." And I've been avoiding it all week; purposely finding other things I've wanted to work on/study instead. I have this book so hyped in my head that I am having doubts that I'm good enough to write it. There. I said it. No one could write it except for me - it's MY story.
But I want it to be epic. I want people to hold it in their hands reverently. In awe of what's between the pages. Emotions running the whole gamut from angry to weeping to overjoyed. And I'm absolutely terrified that I won't be able to deliver. I have this pressure I've put on myself that's completely unreasonable.
I started writing it today. I've decided on a new path for it, while still holding onto the original goals. And I'm okay if it's not epic for everyone. If just one person has to stop at some point while reading to hold it to their chest and whisper, "I love this book," then I've done it.