Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Personal conversation

I've had some rather interesting personal conversations with people as of late, namely with one of my sisters. It got me to thinking about how everyone has their own path, their own way to decipher life's lessons and challenges. And I wondered how many others were having similar conversations with people close to them. So I thought I'd share a part of the most recent conversation with you, in hopes that it may help. At the very least, it will help you know that you aren't alone in your struggle.

Sister: I don't want validation from anyone, but I feel like I need it sometimes and it's so frustrating. It's like, my day is fine and then, for whatever reason, it completely crashes to the worst thoughts possible. I don't know why I go to such extreme self deprecation when times are a little challenging. It's annoying.

Me: It's a part of healing, I think. I go through it too sometimes. Less than I used to, but I still get that way.

Her: I don't go through it often, but there's been a lot of change in my life that has been difficult. Combine that with recent birthdays, and family pressure to find someone to be with, I struggle.

Me: The hardest part of life, I think, is not living according to other's ideas and opinions of how you should live. I've literally had people ask why my husband stays with me, since I can't, and won't, give him people kids. I listen to the disappointment from the entire family because I'm not doing something that "matters" with my life. I get to have interventions because I'm grossly overweight. I see how people look at me. I hear what's being said behind my back. I feel the pressure to exercise, diet, become a nurse, have people kids, and it's hard. I like who I am, but I don't fit with the mold. Most days are okay, but on the days that aren't, well, I try not to live in that darkness anymore. It's a struggle, and maybe no one else will ever see my worth, but I do, and that's all that matters.
You're still growing, recovering, and healing. You're not going to define yourself overnight. And you'll find whoever you're meant to be with when the time is right. Just because you do things differently than what society expects, doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just different. And that's okay.